I am standing at a cross-roads once more.
As I posted on Facebook, “There are times where doing what is the right thing is the single most painful and difficult of options.“
Sometimes, life beats you down. 6 or 7 years ago I found myself in a place where my spiritual practices became the only source of stability in my life. I was not willing to face the changes that I needed to make, I was not ready for them, or perhaps just not yet at the right cross-roads in my journey? I fled into dozens of different retreats…online gaming, burying myself in tv shows…running away behaviors…letting go of projects and relationships and activities that nourished my spirit, my faith. I let go of my practices and have struggled to pick them up once more.
Sometimes love, no matter how much love there is between two people, is not enough.
The moon, the stars and planets, the dance of the seasons, the inspiration of the Holy Powers…all of these come down to timing. Timing is important in our everyday as well as our religious and spiritual work. Sometimes, the time just is not right.
Then too, sometimes we are not ready to do what we need too, we set up all kinds of conditions or hedges against what we SHOULD be doing…either out of fear or exhaustion, out of kilter with our highest self and True Will…
it takes two people to make a relationship work and two people for a relationship to break down. At the same time I look and tell myself I did everything I could; I find myself wanting. My actions, my words, my choices…my excuses, my fears and insecurities.
All the things I saw that were bad are now being drowned by recollections of the good, the joy, the love, the simple moments of kindness and care.
So now I stand in the cross-roads once more. Taking some time in what folklore tells us is a place of power. Trying to just be comfortable with the storm of memories and emotions playing around and through me.
Blessed be your journey,