Perservering

Dear, dear friends,

This morning, a God journeyed through Osceola County.

I was working on the Motel’s Night Audit, getting it printed and getting some additional chores taken care of… changes in some of the paperwork procedures related to having a new GM made me want to mix up the morning routine a bit in order to give myself some extra time to take care of everything.

The sound of rolling thunder interrupted my everyday office early 21st Century routine.  I started printing the let’s-hope-we-don’t-have-to-use-this-in-an-emergency-or-blackout-report (not it’s formal name), un-locked the Lobby door and stepped outside for a moment or two…

The pre-dawn sky was dark, but I could tell it was overcast and cloudy, and the humid air was zephyring about.  The winds was shaking the palm fronds with a silken rustling sound.  It was near to rain, but not quite there yet, although the clouds coming in from the South West hinted that there was already rain fall on the Peninsula somewhere.  Flashes of lightening, like old-fashioned camera flash-bulbs, lit some of the clouds from the inside.  These alternated with streaks of cloud-bound lightening spider-webbing across the sky. All strangely silent, accompanied only by the petticoat rustlings of the leaves and tree limbs, then long moments later the thunder would roll across the landscape.  The lightest splatters of rain falling from the sky, seeming almost indecisive as the elements dances.

I spoke some greetings to the Powers of Air and Water and Fire, although I wasn’t entirely certain if Lightening belonged to the realm of Fire or Air… then too in my relations with the Natural world I am feeling increasingly drawn to the 3 elements model in some respects.

I also spoke a greeting to Zeus.  The Thunderer, who was storming through the skies and raining down upon the land of the local earth-mother Our Lady of The Feast of Flowers, Holy Florida.

I had to go inside and return to my reports for a while, my work as a Hospitality worker and my calling as a Witch having to dance and wrestle with one another for a while…

I returned to the doorway after the quick pre-dawn rainstorm had moved on,  The many layers of cloud-cover were doing a Brownian dance in the dawn-lit skies above me.  The early morning light, dancing and bouncing between land and cloud-covered sky and sea lit everything with a gentle yet revealing quality of light that seemed almost cinematic.  The rain quenched plants and grasses and leaves seemed a vibrant green even in the dim light.  The air was cool, for the moment, as the spent humidity rested on the ground before it began its inevitable creep back up into the air.  The day seemed clean and new, the air clear and cool, life full of possibilities.

The last month or so has been a tough time.  My Friends Sandi’s Death, by ex-beloved Eugene’s death, the ups and downs of matters at work, moving in with my now-beloved fabulous Jonathan…  busy, hectic, a true roller-coaster of emotions and experiences… and through all but a few days I have held to prayer and practice and the counsel of dear friends and wise words from many sources, and prayed and turned my heart over to the Holy Powers for their care.

Sometimes that is all we can do.

Sometimes there is grief and pain and pressure, sometimes there is joy and calm and beauty, accept them both, bless them both, and keep moving forward.

Sometimes, if we are lucky, patience and perseverance are rewarded with limnal numinous moments that feel like a cross-roads that allows us to set out in a new direction or that helps us to get back on the path we were on before.

Peace, and Perserverance,

Pax / Geoffrey

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We must stand up for the future

Dear Friends,

Jason Pitzl-Waters recently shared one of the previously mentioned Symphony of Science videos on his Facebook.  I was deeply moved by it and shared it here.

The ideas and images and words of these pieces have played themselves out and over, again and again in my mind and heart.  I can remember watching some of the episodes of  Cosmos with my family as a child back in the nearly forgotten days when there were 3  networks and television stations would go off the air.  I listen to the musical pieces inspired, in part, by that series and by the scientific wonders and vast possibilities of the world around us; I find myself wondering how and when the once widely popular veneer of hip cynicism became a bone deep cynical nihilism?

Why do so many people choose rage and fear and bitterness and fanaticism?

It seems sometimes that folks think that joy and hope and happiness are either simple minded pursuits; or that people have the idea that these things are achieved only by venting their anger and running away from their fears.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  In my experience, happiness and joy and hope are complicated and difficult.  More often than not they seem to come from doing the hard work of facing our fears and working through them, from harvesting the energy of our anger and using it for something more productive to make a positive difference in our lives and the lives of others.

So much of what we hear from popular culture and society is weighted down with despair and predictions of doom and collapse…  Do the authors of such things not realize that the future of humanity is a self-fulfilling prophecy?

We must stand up for the future.

Not only for ourselves and our future generations, but to honor our ancestors and thank them for the gift of our lives and the precious gifts they have given or passed down to us, to honor and be in right relationship with the spirits of the world around us – whatever we concieve them to be, to serve and honor our loving relationships with The Holy Powers ~ whatever our experience or understanding of them; for all of these reasons I believe we have a holy duty to stand up for the future.

We must not be afraid to discuss the values and virtues and ethics we have discovered in our contemporary Pagan faiths.  There are enough books on rituals and spells and prayers to last us a few generations… lets start writing works on confronting poverty and hunger from Pagan perspectives.   Let us set aside the fear of prejudice, and the once glamorous but now tattered and worn mantle of the outsider and the rebel, and take pride in ourselves and our faiths, in our works and lives and worship and in our Pagan communities and our larger communities.

This I believe, is the challenge and the duty the Gods have set before us.

Peace,

Pax

Altar & Offerings,… & a birthday wrap up…

Dear Friends,

So the March Equinox passed with only a few brief prayers from yours truly, work and the mad rush of days conspired against anything deeper for Ostara… I was also a little moody and distracted this week, for a number of reasons, and distracted by some up-in-the-air things at work, and then too Sunday the 27th was my birthday.

Saturday night I was lured out of my lair by The Fabulous Jonathan to watch the Universal Studios Mardi Gras Parade at the park, after a brief but spectacular fit of moody-bastardy on yours truly’s part, need to work on those control issues of mine some more it seems.  I eventually went out and had a very nice time with Jonathan and his mom Kathleeen.  TFJ and I rode The Mummy, a requirement of any park pilgrimage, and then went back to where his mom had parked herself in the handicapped parade watching spot and enjoyed the imitation spectacle of it all.  I didn’t actually catch any beads, although I did get slapped in the face by a set… that counts doesn’t it?  (I kept trying to get Jonathan to show them his tits in an effort to get more beads, but he balked and alleged shyness.)  The Krewe of Dionysus float was especially festive this year as was King Gator.  Jonathan and I have promised one another that someday we will journey to someplace that does a genuine Mardi Gras parade and see a real one.

Then it was work on the overnight at the motel, then a brief nap and off to 1U, my local U.U. Church, for my regular Ushering shift, and some socialization with folks there and then I was taken out by my dear friend Sandi for the new and delightful experience of Vietnamese food.  Sandi is a retiree who became my first friend at Church and occasional pew-buddy, has unofficially adopted a number of us at Church and we are all very blessed for it.  Sandi and I have been working together on the food/catering committee for the upcoming U.U. Florida Disctrict Assembly coming up in April and as a consequence a number of us on the foods committee have ended up lunching together each Friday and discovered a shared delight in culinary arts and exploration… thanks to them I have discovered some fabulous local restaurants I might not have known about otherwise… including a nice Middle Eastern Deli and a fantabulous Thai Restaurant… and now a Vietnamese place.

I’d never had Vietnamese food before, and Sandi was my guide as I tried a fantastic Beef Noodle Soup… “Pho” something-something…. (here’s where being bad with names is a big hindrance) … and some Summer Roll (which are the uncooked, wrapped in rice-dough, rolls I knew as Spring Rolls in Anchorage…)  … and dish which featured a very yummy sauce and vegies and shrimp and chicken with some wedges of fried noodle cakes.  I find Vietnamese food hard to describe but insidiously delicious!

Jonathan, however is a strictly “Chinese” Buffet man… despite this deep flaw in his character I love him still.

So after Lunch I came home, passed out for a while, woke up and responded to numerous Facebook birthday greetings and called some of my family and friends.  Then more sleep.

Today, I woke up to thunder in the distance and the sounds of rain.  There is a much welcomed and blessed and needed rain falling intermittently today, and projected to continue throughout the week.  Florida has had intermittent but ongoing drought issues for the last few years, so any extended period of rain is to be welcomed…

I have been contemplating the sporadic nature of my devotions and spiritual practices of late, partly as the seasons change and partly as I have recently filled my journal and am starting on a new one.  I have reserved the first 9 pages or so of the new journal (gifted to me Christmas of ’09 by TFJ’s mom) for notes for myself about my goals and needs and desires and hopes moving forward… and that plus  the review of the previous journal has given me some food for thought and a nudge about practice and devotion…

So I have lit the candles on my altar, and poured an offering or water to the Gods and Guardian Spirits of my home.  The Money Candle has been cleaned and lit so the flame shines through the silver and gold lines of ink script on the glass, the Bridhid Candle from Imbolc has been lit, my Chalice is lit (it’s a U.U. thing my dear Pagans….), and a trio of black votives are lit before Hecate’s altar-shelf.

A cup of water,  a dish of rice, and some Lavendar mixed with Frankincense and Myrrh and Copal,  have been placed by the open windows, offered to the cleansing and healing and nourishing rains and winds and weather.

Rest and contemplation before game tonight, and then some much needed paperwork and maybe some professional development or some work on the some of my writing projects.

Peace,

Pax

The Internet is a Magickal Tool…So why are so many people stabbing themselves, or others, with it?

Dear Friends,

Sannion posted recently about the evils of Social Networking and to a lesser degree the Internet… and on the one hand I can truly appreciate and understand where he’s coming from.   I find myself bouncing inwardly off of his words…

Every day I look out on a world grown stupider, crasser, less concerned with others, less aware of the higher imaginative realms.” ~Sannion in the above mentioned article

There is SO much anger and fear and hatred and division in the world… and it sometimes feels like wherever I turn they are infecting every aspect of life and discourse.  It sometimes seems that the places where people interact online have become pits of anger and despair.  It’s like Facebook, and the comments sections of blogs and pod-shows, and so many online places of potential connection and communication have become the 21st Century equivalent of shouting and throwing things at the television…

Or a virtual needle allowing us to escape the pains of our shared world for some inner illusory landscape.

Holy Powers how I do hear and feel those words, Sannion.

They echo many of my own thoughts and feelings lately.  I have been wrestling with some dark nights of the soul, doubting my place and my worth and whether all of my journey hasn’t been just a fools dance.  It can be easy to give in to the tides of anger and self-absorption and fear and crash against us all like tidal waves in this overculture of ours.  So many tides and so many people caught up in them, and thrashing about looking to tear others down and apart rather than work to create.

It is hard not to be eroded by them both, sometimes.

And yet.

There  are also the podcasts, and the blogs, and the sense of sharing and community that can arise.  Through the blogosphere and the Podkin and, yes, even through Facebook…. I have been blessed to make friends and connections with likeminded souls.  Some of them have wandered off to parts unknown or suffered a sea change into things rich and strange; others are still out there and here in my life sharing and listening and giving spiritual fellowship to one another.

I was priveledged recently to be invited into a private, members only, blog; a spiritual fellowship group of sorts of like minded souls who are all far flung friends of a particular blogger and FB citizen who decided to gather together some of her dearest friends for a place of Listening and Care and Community.

We are the ones who chose how the Internet can be used, how are we using it?  How are you Using it?  How can we use it in our communities of faith and inter-faith and choice?

Some choose to use it as a tool to spread a message of Spiritual Practice and Liberation.  Some give freely of their own time to  try to share their hard won wisdom and a love of using information technology and library science as an offering to their community.  Some work hard to  share News and information that may be of interest to their larger communities.  Some, burning with inspiration, seek to weave the tapestry of community of folks of similar experience and interests.  Some folks gather together to try to share the words of wisdom and inspiration that nourish our minds and souls.  Some stand up and use the Internet as a tool of caring and social action.  Some use their wit and hard won wisdom to dive into scholarship and writings in honor of their Gods.

Some of us simply try to share our own journeys, rant and rave occasionally,  and provide potentially useful resources to others.

Whom would you spotlight in a list like that above?  What sort of examples would you add?

What sort of example will you be?

Peace and Curiosity,

Pax

~Post Script~

Then too there are the countless lists and e-groups out their languishing for constructive discussion because of the worst behaviors and fanaticism of some of us… and yet, there too we have the power to choose….

Freewriting and Notes on the Journey 3/02/11

Image found here thanks to Google Images search...

Dear Friends,

So there have been a LOT of little nudges from the Cosmos, Kledon’s found in random discussions and comments from friends, and outright urgings from friends and acquaintances.  Keep Writing.  You should write a book.  Look at how successful online writers/E-book authors are…  So the Altar’s lit with the various candles and Brighid’s Candle from Imbolc is lit atop my Computer tower as I sit here writing freely and from the heart.

I feel like a fraud sometimes.  I write here about my practices and journey and yet my Practice is a sometimes fragile thing in the face of rapid changes in schedule or routine… yet still I try to keep my log book of Practices, and at least Ground and Center each day… the prayers and Chakra exercises and Meditation ebb and flow… but at least I ground and Center each day.

I sometimes wonder if one of the most difficult things we can do on our journeys of Spirit on our many Religious paths isn’t just going back to them each day?  Letting go of the distractions and the doubts and just trusting in the journey….

Today I stayed home from work, overwhelmed by allergies and a sky-high pollen count in Orlan0do in the wake of this Winter’s freezes; overwhelmed too by Benadryl… which always hits me like a trippy tidal wave when I first take it each year.  I slept for several hours this afternoon and have been up for a few hours this evening and am getting ready to pass out as my modern day flying ointment (aka benedryl) takes affect.

Sometimes you just have to slow down and let things happen in their own time… been getting that message too lately.  From the Spirits and from my own magickal work..

As I may have mentioned here I have been doing some prosperity related work lately.  Made myself a money candle and used some oils and herbs and added them to a 7day candle and used some silver and gold metalic craft ink to write things on the outside of the glass.  Been burning that a bit each day… had to re-make it once when the first ink I chose rubbed off quickly…

Made myself a money powder with a popular chamomile tea blend, which happened to have a lot of lucky and prosperity herbs in it for flavor balance – handy that, and some rice and ground them together in the coffee grinder.  (I lack a mortar and pestle as the mortar was re-purposed to an incense burning bowl a couple of years ago whilst the pestle was misplaced, and lets be honest, for a lot of uses a grinder makes more sense you can charge the herbs without inducing early onset carpel tunnel)  Sometimes though, it would be nice to have that mortar and pestle, to grind the herbs as best I could by hand and feel them breaking down, to smell their scents, to feel the energy of my action and will flowing into them as I break them down… sometimes.  Sometimes its nice to simply have some things on hand that I can say a quick prayer over and toss a pinch of powder into my pocket as I get ready to leave the house.

I Also started in on some Crown of Success oil.  Found all SORTS of recipes, but I started out by using the one in Judika Isles 500,000 Spells book.  Started by steeping fresh and dried bay leaves in Olive and Jojoba oil.  Blended that with some Sandalwood essential oil in Jojoba (because I need more success until I can afford retail Sandalwood essential oil), some Frankincense (because I was in a hurry and didn’t realize that the Frankincense was nearly twice the cost of the other until I got home and read the reciept) and Vetivert essential oils, and gifted the results to The Fabulous Jonathan.

That was the quick Crown of Success Oil, now I’m working on the slow long-term success so all that left-over Bay leaves and Olive/Jojoba Oil will come in handy!  I bought some Frankincense tears and ground them up and added them to the oil and leaves that remained, gonna try an old school home-made batch of Crown of Success.   May not have the “pow” of an essential oil batch, at least not for a long time and multiple herbal additions and steeping cycles, but I think a longer term steeping might be instructive and useful…. at lest thats the urgings/leadings/impression I’ve been getting.  Slow down, relax, do what you need to do but don’t be afraid to let things develop naturally you don’t have to be doing it all to have everything you need to have happen, happen.

So I will trust in the Gods and the Spirits and the Ancestors and light Brighids Candle and write something somewhere each day, and breathe, and Center, and do what I need to do.

What will you do?  What do you need to do?

Peace, and Curiosity, always the Curiosity,

Pax

PS- Technically speaking I shouldn’t be surprised at the changes and upheavals and jumping around going on in my life since I ASKED for it….  I need to remember to bless and remember that fact when the universe forces me to think and breathe and dance between the lines of the spiritual tides on the shores of my life.

The Lady

I Call upon and Invoke Thee

Oh Triple Goddess of the Witches

Mighty Mother Celestial

Black Robed and Silver Clad Queen of the Mysteries

Lady of Spirit and Inspiration and Magick

Ever-changing Goddess of the moon

Lady of the Groves and Gardens

Bride of the Sun

You who is at once, The Maiden of Creativity,

The Mother of Possibilities, and The Secret Wielding Crone,

I Invoke Thee by Perfect Love and Perfect Trust

Please be present in this rite in Thy Honor and Praise

Share with me Your Love and Lore and Law

That Thy Servant and Friend may be Fulfilled

Hail & Well Met

~Invocation, (c) 2010 Pax/Geoffrey Stewart

Dear Friends,

This, which I was determined would be the first entry in this little series, has been a tough post to write for all its brevity.  It is strange to note that I don’t have many dramatic or deep encounters with The Witches Goddess, the Three-fold Lady who is Maiden and Mother and Crone… a couple stand out… but Her presence in my life is a largely subtle one compared to some of my other encounters with Divinities.

The Charge

The Charge, or rather, Valiente’s Charge of The Goddess is the first time I can specifically remember encountering Her.  After all these years I can’t recall which version in which book or where I was when I first read it…. I want to say it was in the back of either Complete Art of White Witchcraft or Diary of A Witch, both by Sybil Leek.

I remember it was an older book.   Anchorage is blessed with some world class used bookstores because it can be ridiculously expensive to move to and from Alaska thus a lot of folks jettison stuff on their way out, I remember the worn pages of a paperback in my hand,the sensation of that light almost feathery quality of the page edges that old paperback books have.  I remember the old paperback/used book scent overlaying that slightest hint of Metaphysical/Occult bookstore.  I remember the slightly old fashioned type against the sepia kissed creme of the page.

I remember the words, as I read them, seeming to flow off the page, up my arms deep into my head and heart.  I remember how filled to bursting I was with Spirit and Love and Hope and Power as I first experienced a sense of Her deep and abiding love.

I remember the sense of the rest of the world receding and the sense of the words speaking directly to the deepest part of my soul.  Drinking down the words of the Charge, I can remember feeling changed.  Touched and Transformed by Her words, sent through Doreen, so many years before I was born.  She was there, and although Her presence in my life has been an often subtle one, She has been with me ever since.

A Voice in The Rec Room

This was one of the few, dramatic, moments in my experiences of the Triple Goddess.  An acquaintance of mine who was claiming to suffer from Multiple Personalities (Dissociative Identity Disorder) had had, or decided to have (which I say looking back on the episode with the perspective of many years experience of the ways people seek to suck up attention and specialness in dysfunctional ways) an episode.

I wasn’t entirely sold on the MPD, had some inkling it might just be attention seeking, but also felt that it was possible that there WAS some mental illness going on or at least some emotional troubles… so I did what any self-respecting Witch would do; I decided to turn it over to the Gods… or in this case The Witches Goddess.  This was early enough in my journey and practice as a Solitary Witch that She was in the spotlight of my practice at the time.

I had decided to try something different, and instead of putting the tools on an altar table or cloth, I arrayed them and the various notions and lotions and potions that inhabited my early altars around me in a circle, and Cast Circle through and upon them.  I did the usual Cirlce rites and then after The Rite, in symbol, I began praying to Her.  I asked Her what I could do for my friend and lay the situation out before here as I understood it at the time and prayed for Her guidance.

“Love him.” She said.

I.  Heard.  The.  Words. Aloud.  Not in the conversation-in-my-head-but-not-my-words style, which is the usual way I get impressions from The Holy Powers, but aloud.  Out, friggin’, Loud!

I spun around, startled, and knocked over the lit Candle for Fire… which luckily went out and did NOT ignite the synthetic orange shag of  daylight basement rec-room.  After a moment of processing this, one of my earliest this-shit-is-real experiences, I uprighted and relit the Candle for Fire and continued to pray for a time.  She, of course, was maddeningly silent after this, but I tried to remain content knowing She was and is there and will put a hand or word in if needed.

Reflection

Mostly I am aware of her on Full Moon nights, or nearly full nights.  The familiar embracing Presence.  The sense of settling in as I begin Invoking Her in Circle, the passionate thread that runs through me as the Blade and Chalice meet.  While I haven’t had a lot of woo-woo experiences involving Her, I have almost never really doubted She is there.

I’d love to be able to say that I have NEVER doubted Them or The Craft, but I am as human as anyone else and sometimes I wrestle with fear and doubt and confusion.  Always though, I return.  I return to Them and to Her.

Lately my relationship with Her has taken a bit of a turn as I encountered the Feri Trad way of addressing Her as “Holy Mother in Whom we live move and have our being”… this has resonated strongly for me and for my practice and I have incorporated that phrase into some of my own Craft.

Peace,

Pax

Intro

Libertas (whilst written before this series was conceived of, it fits a little too perfectly into the theme to be ignored…)

The Witches Goddess (this post)

The WitchFather

The Morrigan

Hecate

Dionysus

The Honored and Beloved Dead

Spirits of the World Around Us

Automotive Misadventures, The Fabulous Jonathan, and Spiritual Practice, Oh My!

Dear Friends,

So as you may remember I have been working at building my array and regularity of Spiritual Practices in my Pagan journey for a while now…. Meditation, both silent and focused, and Conscious Breathing and Grounding and Centering and work with my Chakra’s and (for those of us on the New Aquarian Frontier who are of the Witchy persuasion) of course Magick…. and loging them all daily along with my daily diet and writing I’ve done that day and any Professional development and physical excercise…

And my practice has been growing and becoming a regular part of my life.  So of course as I grew it eventually became time for a test.

My old car, the Late Great Volvo, had already had 170,000 miles on it when I bought it used for $1,700 a few years ago.  I had already spent more on it in repairs than I bought it for, almost double.  I have been reading and researching replacement vehicles and pulling together money and otherwise talking about getting a newer car.  However my A.D.D. blessed brain kept getting distracted by more immediate things… duties and commitments and exhaustion from a wildly varying schedule and all sorts of other life stuff… or so I told myself.

So when I stopped at a fast food place for some breakfast this last Sunday, and the car didn’t want to start, I shouldn’t have been so surprised.

Turn the key, nothing.  The lights came on but the engine did not turn over.   I figured it was the battery, and after some harsh lessons in the road readiness and charitable nature of many of my fellow human beings…. I called my boyfriend The Fabulous Jonathan.  He made the 45-minute to hour drive to where I was and we tried jumping the battery.  Repeatedly.   No go.   After a while the ugly truth dawned that it wasn’t the battery, it was the transmission.

For those who are even more automotive repair/maintenance challenged than myself (and I hope you live somewhere either blessed with fabulous public transit or which is very pedestrian friendly) that is both ridiculously expensive and the automotive kiss of death.

The Fabulous Jonathan set aside his own duties and chores for the Week-end and helped ferry me around town for a few days and look at cars and figure out how to invest my modest nest egg into a new vehicle.  I am now the proud debtor of a slightly used 2010 Kia Rio!!!

(brief pause whilst Pax does some calming breathing about his very first Car financing experience, which is really different from a Student Loan because you can’t really defer payments…. banks are a LOT less accomodating or flexible on Car Loans than Student Loans as I understand it)

So we exchanged Valentine cards on the 13th, and spent most of the next 3 days together.  He helped me get to work on Monday night, after I switched shifts around to have Tuesday off to go Car hunting.   We talked, a lot and laughed and shared stories from our pasts and he made a scary crazy making experience a lot less painful!  He is wonderful, and smart and cute and funny, although I am admittedly biased on the matter.  It was nice to know that we are capable of weathering storms together.

I am truly blessed to have found you Jonathan!

So sometime on day 2, even though I wasn’t doing my usual Journal / Log-booking of my practices, I noticed I was still breathing consciously, I was grounding and centering, and otherwise trying to engage the practices that help keep me on an even keel; even in the midst of maddening times.  That is why we do them, they help us to grow and be stronger and better people; being stronger and better people we are more aware and engaged in our lives and our relationships with ourselves, our friends and families, our Gods, and our Sweet Sacred Universe.

Jonathan was even patient with me as I got very snarly and with him at the Dealership as I sat with him waiting for some of the paperwork to go through as I wrestled with this tremendous wave of doubt and fear that washed over me.  He kept trying to reassure me and I kept getting mad at him… which I knew was bs and driven by the fearful and hateful parts of my self that have been hurt so often over the years – and sometimes allowed myself to be hurt rather than risk failing at not being a failure or a screw-up-… finally I just told him that this was my fear and I needed to face it.

Although I was more than a little bastardly about it, sorry my dear.

Sometimes you have to face your fears instead of running from them, which is of course one of the big reasons I had waited to buy the car or seriously scope out my financing options.   But I found a good finance rate and payments I can afford and even as I go scared further into the world or being a Real Adult ™, I am blessed by good friends and good fortune and the love of a wonderful guy!

I also find myself contemplating how small and limited I’ve let my life get in the last year or so as I faced the impending death of the Volvo and of how I avoided dealing with the situation.  I have many friends whom I could be sharing my journey with in a more personal face to face manner, and even with the hovering cloud of automotive doom I have been trying to do just that lately… spending time with Tracie the Red this last week-end…. and making it to various 1U events.

I have had a lot of “Once I have a newer car and a better job I can ______ and _____ and ____.”  Conversations/prayers/whatever’s with the Gods and the Universe in general lately….  Projects I could be involved in, events I could attend, activities I could take up…. not a new thing these conversations, but my sense of being actually able to tackle the various projects and promises is newer to me.   Its grown with my dive into Practice and Study in the last couple of years.

I can also see, based on that not-quite crushing wave of fear and doubt at the Dealership, that I have more work and Practice to do…

Now it’s back to the daily routine of work at the motel, and on my writing, and on my Practices, and in another couple of days it will be time to Circle again.   Then there are events at Church to volunteer on…   Opportunities to spend times with Tracie the Red, and my gaming buddy and proto-Heathen friend Aarnvast, and others….  More work to do polishing the resume and getting my ducks in a row to try for promotions at work….  More work to do around the apartment getting things in order there…

The adventure continues…

Peace,

Pax