It is a strange sensation to feel parts of oneself that have lain dormant for years waking up again.
That’s the best way I can think to describe things as I have moved from the day to day of recovering from my stay in Hospital earlier this year and towards engaging in life again. I was messaging a dear friend not too long ago talking about how for the last several years my life had largely become a cycle of work/sleep/work again…
“That’s not living….” he said, and he was right!
My working world currently runs from Thursday through Sunday with four shifts of eight to ten hours each, leaving me with three days off in which to accomplish things, or to not accomplish things as I wrestle with my ADHD and my insecurities and my still sometimes fluctuating energy levels and sometimes easily tired self. So Sunday the 15th was the New Moon where the moon is eclipsed by Earth’s shadow, and is associated with (among other things) beginnings and renewal and scrying and setting intentions… None of which was really on my mind last week as I was trying to be enthused about cleaning and clearing out household clutter. Yet I found myself drawn to my sadly neglected Altar, or rather the storage shelf piece of furniture that used to be my Altar.
At the time my beloved and I moved to the house from our former apartment I was newly starting an hourly management position and transferring to another hotel in my company and I made what is a sometimes terribly easy mistake to make, “I’ll get to it later….” I said, “Once things have calmed or settled down…” I told myself… Thus the mad rush of days continued and I allowed myself, my spirit, and my home, to sink into disrepair and disorganization to a truly alarming degree. Thus the journey of rediscovery and renewal that I find myself on these days.
Returning to our current story, last week I was attempting housework and found myself digging into the boxes of books and tools and magickal mementos that have sat so sadly neglected for apparently far too long. I found myself unpacking these boxes and rediscovering a number of treasures and memories and puzzle pieces of my best self. In that ‘week-end’ and this one I have gotten some things done around the house and started working once more on my newest grimoire and working on and figuring out how I want to proceed with the blog and my various social media accounts.
One of the big realizations I’ve had, perhaps again and hopefully this time the lesson will stick with me, is that when given the choice between the onslaught of days and once spiritual path we are tempted to take a step back… to retreat somehow and return to our path later. This is I think where so many of us lose our way. Take a breath, accept, and lean in to your practices and path and into the mad rush of days that life will bring!
That, my friends, is what I am trying to do as I pick up puzzle pieces of my self and take stock of what needs doing within my head and heart and within the world around me.
Pax / Geoffrey