Yes, it’s been a long, long, time…
2019 was, for a lot of complex reasons, one of the most stressful and difficult years of my life both personally and professionally. I am still picking up the pieces and sorting things out. My husbear The Fabulous Jonathan was the victim of an assault that led to two different hospitalizations and a brief medically induced coma while the Doctors tried to sort out the source of some seizures. A few different folks I love dealt with major mental health issues. What I had thought was a career may very well have turned out to be merely a job, and an unrelentingly stressful and mentally and emotionally painful one to deal with at that!
Not to say it was unremittingly bad, but…. yeah… not wishing to go through those downs again.
I thought…. not of self harm exactly, but self neglect to the point of oblivion was on the table. “What’s the point…” “Why bother….” “I’ll just ****-up like always….” Were the sort of thoughts I was wrestling with by the end. Feelings of despair and grief and hopelessness prevailed… for a time.
I am doing better, and am determined to KEEP doing better.