“The next month or so…” OR, Never second guess your journey!

Hello again Dear Friends,

So… I kid of fell down a rabbit hole.  In my case the rabbit hole was the virtual reality of Second Life.

I Could disassemble and delay focusing on the key point by talking about the wonders and creativity and my misadventures in the fairly amazing and sometimes quite amusing environment of Second Life…  but the key points are that over the last 2 years I had a roller-coaster of ups and downs in my personal and professional lives.  Sometime over the last 2 years I was writing less and less, and my spiritual practices became more about enduring my daily life rather than embracing The Holy Powers and my relationships with them, and with my fellow human beings.

I would spend my every spare moment diving into Facebook and watching t.v. shows on line and playing video games.  Creating less and less.

I was too tired.  On a bone-deep level.

I was burning out.  For some reason though, I refused to admit it.  That would be too much like a defeat somehow, and I have had a LOT of defeats the last several years.

I told myself.. “Well, I will try to write something tomorrow.. ”  and tomorrow would become the next day.  I would tell myself.. “I will do my prayers and meditations and spiritual Work tomorrow.”  and tomorrow would become the next day or the next week.  I would tell myself… “I just need to relax a little.. slack off a bit.”  and then I needed to relax more and more.  Sitting and reading or watching, rather than writing.  More and more time immersed in the Web, more and more time hiding from the World…and from myself.

I have been unhappy for a long time.  Not depressed exactly… exhausted…dissatisfied and feeling trapped in some bad situations.

Finally sometime in April… I admitted to myself that I was burnt out.  I just let myself hide in the virtual world of Second Life for a while…

In late May I contacted the Pagan Values group on Facebook, and sent out a call for someone to take over the Pagan Values Event for this year… cause I was burnt out.

It went wonderfully this year and I was impressed and touched by how many people were willing to help and contribute.

In that same time, some strange synchronicity started happening.  I would run into folks in Second Life, or news stories on the radio, or have small conversations with people around me… and there would be some element of healing or wisdom that I had been needing to hear.   I couldn’t start any real renewal or healing until I had admitted I was bunt out.  Once I did though.. things started flowing, and creativity and practice have crept back into my life and heart.

I am not sure where the next step in my journey is… but over the last couple of years… I started questioning whether my spiritual journey had reached some sort of dead end.  It was more of a rad block..that I couldn’t get around until I admitted to myself that I had broken down and was broken down on the side of the metaphorical road in my Journey.

I figured I was running away from the world in Second Life, but I now believe that the Holy Powers are everywhere.. even in the aether of the Internet…

Peace,

Pax

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