So for about the last couple of weeks I have been waking up, listening to the NPR on the alarm-clock/radio stretching as I lay there in bed. Breathing into my Center, Grounding, and sitting for up to 10 minutes. … I have a LOT of resistance to sitting and need to meditate (ironically enough) on that…
Anyhow, the other day I got a call from the Fabulous Jonathan to meet up for coffee as he had finished a job interview (any good prosperity/get-a-good-job spells out there?) and was in the area. I had Centered and Grounded and went to coffee with him, and neglected to meditate… Much later that night while working the overnight at the front desk things had slowed way down… I sat for 10 minutes. I ended up writing in my journal and started some free-form journal work and started thinking about my fears…
“Fear. I eat my fears and smoke my fears and stuff then down rather than facing them. I do the same with my anger, and my frustrations. That Ends Now.”
On a sudden inspiration I decided to spend 10 more minutes meditating upon my fears, facing them and thinking them through.
“The Fears that haunt me are failure and incompetence. I ballance them with successes and knowledge and skill. I will sometimes fail, it is not the end of the world or an unavoidable fate. I may not suceed at everything, I can’t be good at everything, but I am good at many things.”
Then I started a new page… and felt the magick stir…
“I name my Demons of Fear,
They are Failure and Incompetence.
Oh, how I have run from you.
I have eaten, and smoked, and drugged myself,
Distracted myself with games and pasttimes and impractical day dreams,
Anything to fill the emptiness or fear,
Anything to numb my nerves,
Anything to distract me from your Shadows.
Such large shadows for such small things!
How you have tripped me up over the years!
Taking some time to look at you,
I find you small and silly and more cautionary than calamitous.
I move past you to embrace my many successes.
I look to the things I can do.
I acknowledge you,
I accept you,
I embrace you.”
Now here is where things get interesting, because a few moments after writing this in my journal, as I sat there thinking about it, I reached into the insulated lunch/shopping bag I carry all sorts of stuff -including my lunch- to grab something and ended up stabbing myself on the needle from a name-tag…. and began to bleed profusely… so of course I sealed the Naming of My Deamons in my own blood.
What are your Demons? What are their names? How are you facing them down?
Peace and Curiosity and Compassion,
Pax / Geoffrey