Returning to and Reclaiming Myself

Hello friends,

Today was spent at home, cleaning my room as a part of my recent works with what T. Thorn Coyle calls the Planes of Stability, and which I am tending to think of as things of Earth.  Stability, strength, my body, my home, my income.  I have been renewing my commitment to healthy eating the last week by focusing my diet mostly on fruit and vegetables.  I have cleaned my room and contemplated the things I need to do to turn my rented room into more of a true home for my body and spirit.  I have been thinking about my income and my financial needs as well as some of my material ones; and how, ultimately, to balance them with my spiritual needs.

I had a great time watching T.V. and talking with The Fabulous Jonathan about us, and our future, and of various things between he and I.   There was also much kissing and hugging and laughter and more conversation.

I cleaned my altar.  I rededicated it, replaced the cloth and spreading grains of salt and dry barley and scented oil upon the altar cloth before placing my various tools and symbols and oh-so-sacred-tsotchke’s back on in in order from Air to Fire to Water to Earth to Center.   I contemplated again the things of Earth and how long it has been since I had a Pentacle upon my altar, and how I have never actually owned a proper Pentacle.  My necklaces have always managed to disappear and that flat round smooth rock with the star and circle drawn upon it that sat upon my altars for years is still in storage back in Ak with friends… although I now see it was never really a proper Pentacle but a workable substitute.  So among other things I invoked the powers of Earth and asked the Universe to send me either a proper Pentacle or the resources and materials to craft one.

I also thought today about how much of myself I let get battered and hammered down my disappointment and insecurity in the last couple of years.  The troubles with income, the gaining and almost immediate loss of my writing gig with the magazine, the difficulties I had finding a full-time job, the falling apart and eventual break up of my relationship with The Big Guy.  I let go of hopes and dreams and ideas and inspiration and I lost confidence and trust in my writing and my words somewhere.  I stopped writing here, and elsewhere of anything important to me because I had given up on me and on truly wanting to invest myself in things because there didn’t seem to be a point.

I am working on that.

Thorn’s books were a part of my recovery, as were my readings into Hellenic Polytheism, and my getting involved at 1st Unitarian Church Orlando.  Committing to myself to reach out to my local and far-flung friends and acquaintances.   I am still on my journey, it hasn’t ended and I needn’t give up in the face of disappointments or heartbreak.  Broken hearts do heal.

I clapped my hands three times, to get the attention of the Universe and of the part of me that is at once the same stuff as the stars and is the touch of the Divine.  I breathed into my Center and Grounded and once again showed up for some of my Work.  I breathed into each of my Chakras in turn.

  • Into my Base Chakra that swirling ball of red located roughly between the base of my spine and my taint and thought about those things within me needing strength and balance and stability and grounding.
  • Into my Sacral Chakra the wheel of yellow between my pubes and my navel and contemplated things within my life and soul that needed feeling and emotions and sensuality and sexuality.
  • Into my Third Chakra glowing orange in my Solar Plexus and contemplated what within me needed willpower and what needed aligning with my Will.
  • Into my Heart Chakra  as I thought about this spinning green globe of energy and everything about and within myself needing the caress of compassion.
  • Into my Throat Chakra and within that blue ball  I sought out what in me and my life needs creativity and expression.
  • Into my Brow Chakra and my third eye indigo and inscrutable I tried to scry what inside of me needs more perception and understanding.
  • Into my Crown Chakra, that thousand-fold lotus of purple I at once reached out to the Holy Powers and opened those parts of my soul needing Their touch as best I could.

“Holy Powers help me in my work”

Then I took all of those things withing me I had tried to touch or find and poured them into the blessed water within my Chalice (the magical tool not the U.U. one) and drank deep cleansing and renewing the my spiritual energies.

“Who is this flower above me?  What is the Work of This God?  I would know myself in all my parts.  Blessed Be and So Mote It Be.”

Then I wrote this, and now I shall sleep.

Peace,
Pax

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One thought on “Returning to and Reclaiming Myself

  1. “I had a great time watching T.V. and talking with The Fabulous Jonathan about us, and our future, and of various things between he and I. There was also much kissing and hugging and laughter and more conversation.”

    AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT MISTER – The Fabulous Jonathan (hehehehehehehe)

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