My heart is like the phases of the Moon

Dear Friends,

A fellow blogger, whose wit and wisdom and snarkasm I greatly admire is going through a rough relationship break-up.  He recently posted about the difficulties he’s going through…showing an incredible amount of courage and strength in baring his soul in that way.   I am thankful for his strong example…

It’s strange how things are interwoven together.

I was on a hunt today for some Beaujolais Nouveau for Thanksgiving when I saw a display of cranberries and nearly burst into tears.  Last year this time I was in Texas visiting the Ex’s mom and her husband’s familly and learning to make a cranberry relish for the big day.  A road-trip and adventure with the man I loved…. I love…

Even after the incredibly hurtful way he handled his break-up with me, parts of me still love him… the in love is, well definitely fading, it’s like the light of that emotion is waning within my heartbut it’s still there.

Then there is my personal journey of Spirit, re-engaging with Witchcraft and magic and with my relationships with my Gods.   Doing some of the work in Kissing the Limitless, and sometimes simply bouncing off of the excercises and contemplations in that work into my own realizations and transformations.

Then too there is Jonathan, sweet, funny, adorable Jonathan.  The unsought after, and rather determined, new boy friend… (I’m 37 for heaven’s sake…) …man friend?…. bear friend….  Whatever he is he is creeping across my heart like the Waxing moon.  This at once enchants, quite possibly literally, me and worries me.  When I burned the mixture of roses, and passion flower, and rosemary, and cinnamon and frankincense and myrre and copal; when I drew the smoking brazer around myself Widdershins drawing into me and too me my desires for prosperity and happiness and health and friendship and home and love… was this spell the right magic at the wrong moment?

I didn’t used to be afraid of Love, or of Friendship, or of Connection.  But you can lose touch with Friends, and fall out of Connection with yourself, and those whom you Love sometimes stop loving you…

I am pouring these thoughts and feelings and fears out here so that I can function and so that I can act and think in a clear and sane manner.   And now, I breathe.  I breathe into my Center, I align my Chakra’s and I get ready to sleep before work.  Tomorrow I will get to spend Thanksgiving with a wonderful new guy, instead of eating the frozen dinner I had been… well neither dreading nor anticipating, but expecting?

Even as I wrestle with these feelings I am grateful for my friends and my connection and every bit of love in my life.  My I increase my blessings, and the blessings of those around me, in the coming year.

Peace,

Pax

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