Notes on the Journey 11/02/09

It’s a New Year.

At least in some Trads and for some Pagans…  The whole Samhain as the Celtic New Year seems to be wavering out of fashion right now, although it comes and goes in popularity, or so it seems.

So it’s a new year time to scry the mirrors of my contemplation, re-read my blog posts to date, and think about my life and spiritual journey.  Where have I been and where am I going?  Samhain has always been a sort of turning point for me in terms of turning from activity out in the world to a more introspective time focused on myself and family.

I had set up an Samhain altar, and remembered and though about the Ancestors and Beloved and Honored Dead and the turning of the Wheel, and all that jazz.  Despite wanting to pick up my Religious practices as a Witch, one whose path and practice have been largely influenced by Wiccan writers and ideas, and despite my love of the Goddess and God, and my desire to reconnect with Them; I was feeling the need to explore other Witcheries than the Seasonal Mysteries or Connection with the Beloved and Honored’s, or the Lord and Lady of the Neo-Wicca.

Lately the Magic and Witchery that has called to the deepest parts of me has been reconnecting with me, myself, and I.

Partly this is the result of reading and contemplating T. Thorn Coyles Kissing the Limitless.  In reading, and doing the journaling and magickal exercises in that book I have begun to not only gain some much needed understanding of self… not just an awareness of my issues and habits and the many aspects of myself that have often times struggled within me and led me astray over the years, but perspective on them, and ways to engage with and deal with and accept and bless them and move on with the living of my life.

I really wish I could have found this sort of wisdom and these sorts of teachings within Witchcraft a long time ago; although admittedly had I found a Coven, I might have.  It’s possible that that was not meant to be a part of my Journey as a Witch in this lifetime.  I accept that, after all when I chose Witchcraft, and started walking this Wicca inspired road, I gave myself to the Goddess and God and asked them to guide me and to help me find the Mysteries and Teachers.  In many ways I think they have, Not that it’s been a quick or easy road, but They have guided me on my journey.

I have also realized that the Neo-Pagan Religious Withccraft stream popularly called Wicca is only one part of my personal journey both as a Witch and as a Pagan. My few years of steady observation of the Moons and Sabbats gave way to less and less practice and observance… still heartfelt faith and a love of the Goddess and God and a deep sense of my own Pagan self, but not much Witchyness for some years.  I reached a plateau.  At the time I figured it was the lack of Covens and the Lack of local Community that was my big stumbling block… and that is what if felt like… like if I could just find the right something I’d be alright and back on track.  This is where a lot of my passion for Pagan community comes from I think.

That led me into some detailed study of Ceremonial Magic/Magick.  Not very much practice though because I didn’t have an income to support that habit!  From Ceremonial Magick I wandered over into the Kabbalah, at least long enough and deep enough to realize that I was not ready for that work on either a personal level, or in terms of making a time commitment to it.  Then I floundered for a few years, and thought I had hit rock bottom when I lost a retail job and was unemployed for a few months… at the same time I was meeting the Ex who would later help me take rock bottom to new lows, I got back involved in the local community.

I moved across the country, not finding any immediate contacts in the local Oralando community, I started this blog and got an A.S. degree in Restaurant and Hospitality Management.  I did some growing up and learning and opened a place in my heart and life for Hecate and Dionysus and for the Theoi and Hellenic Polytheism.   Now I find myself learning about a new stream of Witchcraft from the Feri Tradition.

I am no more a Feri Witch than I am a Wiccan (as is an initiate of one of the Traditions originating in the New Forrest region of Great Britain), I am simply a solitary Witch trying to unscrew the inscrutable.

I am learning a lot about myself and my patterns, and more importantly I am finding guideposts as to how to create new and healthier patterns.

 

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