I am rather exhausted as of late. Working full time-ish again, and working retail again, as I work two jobs in the hopes of their equaling one full time job until such time as my writing serves to pay the bills and let me flout the occasional traffic authority… well it’s a lot of work and a lot more work than I’ve done in a while.
Yet I soldier on, in spite of flattening feet and pain in my ankles so bad I sometimes can barely walk (April some insurance kicks in and so I will be visiting a doctor about this)), despite being so tired sometimes… still I soldier on.
Spiritually too I keep to my prayers and am adding a few shielding and visualization techniques to keep to my spiritual ballance and keep myself sane and whole… and sometimes Magick happens.
Over the course of the day I was aware of a deeply seated good feeling within my spirit today… more than a good mood or positive attitude… as I drove home, finally having some time off the retail stage to think of my interactions that day I realized that the colors were a little brighter and the shapes a little more vivid….
I thought to myself of the numinous presence of the Goddess and God present within myself and every one I had interacted with today. Their eyes shone out to me from every face I interacted with today. Every cell of my body and every atom of The Universe danced, vibrated, and sang in tune to Their Song.
It is one thing to believe, to think, to know this on an intellectual level and acknowledge its simple logic and truth, but it is another to actively experience it in an ongoing way. I’ve had touches, moments in ritual or brief moments on nature hikes or camping trips, over the years but this sense of an ongoing illumination from their presence… this is delightful yet foreign territory for me
I don’t know if this awareness will continue or if it will waver in or out, or if I will wake up tomorrow and have no more sense of the celestial than before. I am writing of this in order to remember and to recall.
It’s strange to feel as if I have passed, all unknowingly, through some sort of veil into the realm of the Mysteries. The Gods are at once a part of the keyboard I type upon and the air I breathe, The mysteries move through my veins and through the rivers of the world and in the deepest oceanic currents. Everything and everyone is sacred and beautiful and divine and words are so failing me right now!
I want to speak with an eloquence about the same divine pulse that is the drip, drip, drip of the melting icicle in the middle of the Northern forests being the same sush, sush, sush of the warm Gulf waters against the sandy shore, being the same as the wise whispering rustle of the wind through the leaves of the live oak trees.
I feel as if I should be flying off to a Witches Sabbat to sing or feast or dance with my sister and brother witches as we sing songs of the ancient ways in the modern days.
All these thoughts are interspersed with the sobering knowledge of my own dreadful lack of language and knowledge of these deep and strong currents of power and wisdom and intuition and knowledge… luckily however the choice of the word numinous in my out-loud-thinking on the way home lead me to a deffinition of the word and to some ideas for further readings and explorations.
Bliss, and Blessed Be, my dear Pagans,