Introspectacles…

So I spent some time today re-reading all of the posts Ive made here on Chrysalis.

Some of the earliest mentione this blogs first incarnation on Blogger.  I love some of the formating and layout and design tools on WordPress, I just wish I could post the Metapagan Widget!!!

I write this blog as, in part, a spiritual journal, heck a just-a-journal journal even.  I think that my desire to write about Paganism has gotten in the way of that.  That and my own fears of what might happen if I share too much…

It’s funny the things we learn about ourselves when we examine a journal, or a blog.  My desire to write, to be an author, to express my thoughts and feelings and ideas about… everything, but spirituality and Paganism especially, has in some ways gotten  in the way…

Blogging as bully-pulpit vs. blogging as journaling…  I know I am not alone in this little tightrope walk.

So let me just journal here…

Well I had a lot going on this Summer, a lot of ups and downs.  I was hired as an assistant manager at a fast food place and then the guy who hired me retired and a new guy came on and decided to go in another direction and let me go.  That hurt, and sucked, but you have to choose whether you are just going to lay there and wallow ~ or whether you are going to get back up again when life knocks you down.

I have learned, in my late 30’s to get back up again.  Woo-Hoo!  I may actually be learning!!

From there I went into working Seasonally, which in the theme park world translates to exceptionally part time; and looking for a second job in one of the worst economies in my lifetime.  That also has been rough.  But, on the plus side, they have put me back on as a Casual (permanent part-time, so more hours a week and benefits!) employee at Universal.

I am at least back where I was in January… Although I take it as a good sign that they gave me more hours and benefits in an economy like this.

On the spiritual side of things there has been a lot of good intentions, and good ideas… and while I haven’t followed through on everything, I am praying more and making more offerings… building my relationship with the Gods as best I can.

I am still not earning anywhere near enough to start paying my share of the bills around here.  (back to the physical rather than the spiritual world… maybe I should think about this pull or focus, hrm?!)  My partner is very understanding and all, but it bugs him.  I had to defer my student loans and am trying to find a second job and praying and making magic in hopes of finding a way through.

I really hope that poverty isn’t some sort of lesson I’m supposed to deal with in this lifetime because, quite frankly, having experienced it for a few years now I think I can authoritatively say that it sucks!

In other news, I have had a sign recently that I should actually pick up my blessed Tarot Cards, dust them off, and work with them.  I am now on Facebook, and signed up for this Tarot thingy… it gave me the Emperor.

This is the second time in the last year or so, that I have been assigned that card by an online Tarot card pseudoracle… I think I am smelling a sign!

Anyhow, that’s all I have for now…

Peace,

Pax

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