Pax et Fort

Readers who’ve been exploring my blog may remember I have this daily prayer…

Mother Celestial and Father Divine,

Let me walk in Strength and Beauty,

Let me exercise both Power and Compassion,

With both Honor and Humility,

Let me always remember Mirth, as well as Reverence,

That I may be worthy of Thy Perfect Love and Perfect Trust,

And that of those in whose hearts you dwell,

Blessed Be,

So Mote It Be.

I was reciting it a few days ago as I approached I-4… I usually modify it as I approach the highway, my usual morning time to recite it, to “Let me walk and drive…” …anyhow, as I was reciting it I couldn’t remember if Strength or Beauty came first! I had written the post on Beauty the day before, and suddenly was faced with the possibility of re-writing it. Had I muffed the order, even though I was staring right at the quote from the Charge?

“Hmm…,” I said to myself, “maybe I have some more things to work through in regards to Beauty?!”

I now realize that when I was inspired to write the prayer, I rearranged the wording of Beauty and Strength, to Strength and Beauty. I find myself thinking through my own juxtaposition of Strength and Beauty in my prayer and the order of them in the passage from Valiente’s Charge.

Years ago when I first came to the Witches path, I chose the Craft name Pax et Fort, or ‘Peace and Strength’, because those two qualities were the goals I sought as I started this long strange Witches journey of mine. Strength was important to me, from the first.

Pax et Fort

Peace and Strength

There were plenty of times in my childhood and youth where I felt unhappy, at the mercy of others, helpless, and alone. I spent my late teens and much of my twenties working through the patterns of thought and behavior that were the legacy of a chaotic childhood complicated by my own learning disability and that most 80’s of problems, a dysfunctional family. I can’t say, exactly, why I chose Pax et Fort as my Witch name. I remember at the time I was offered a Dedication ritual by my dear friend Rhavyn thinking about who I was and who I wanted to be.

A Witch name should reflect something deep about ourselves or who we aspire to be, that was my thought at the time.

I wanted peace and strength… I wasn’t entirely sure what those were, I just knew that at the time I felt like I had neither and the Witchcraft felt like my best path to finding them. So Pax et Fort I became, and in many important ways Pax I remain. It’s still my nom-de-Pagan in the community and online.

The name I use privately in Circle has changed, and should I ever find a Coven to work with, will doubtlessly change again. The core of who I am has, in some ways, changed over time as I have lived and learned, and grown up a lot.

(or, is it that I have come to find and better understand my core self over the years?)

I suppose, since it is occurring to me at the moment, I should pour a libation and offer my thanks to the Lady and Lord for Their love and guidance over the years that helped me find myself in Pax et Fort; even as I am, simultaneously, striving to live up to this name, and to move beyond it to be even more truly myself.

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