The Autumnal Equinox and my new life…

So Deborah Lipp over at Property of a Lady has a good post about the Autumnal Equinox’s place or role in Wicca and reminds us that this was also when the Greater Mysteries of Eleusinia were performed in the Greece of the Ancients…

As I wrote to her, I’m in kind of a transitional place about the Autumnal Equinox myself. In Alaska it was easy… the Equinox is a very visible and powerful turn of the wheel the 12hour by 12 hour borderline between the Light and Dark halves of the year. Its next to impossible not to become more contemplative and turn inward with the temperature dropping and the hours of night beginning to outnumber those of the day.

Heck living up there makes you really question the idea of the Equinoxes and Solstices as “lesser” Sabbats! (as some sources call them)

Now, in Florida (for my 2nd year), its just sort of there…

I have yet to really relate to it as the Pagan Thanksgiving that some folks like to cite it as. This despite having helped with and even hosted/coordinated Pagan Pride events in the past. I think next year I shall do something grand… A large family style dinner with friends and fellow Pagans. A cornucopia, the scents of a great big family meal, a hint of incense, Autumnal colors, and most of all, friends and family, toasting with wine and juices those things we are most thankful for at this turning of the wheel.

Wine… funny that… in the last couple of weeks so many coincidences have lead me to surrender myself to Dionysus and to Hekate. Randomly surfing to sites with Hellenic Recon and Ceremonial Magick related info to them both. Finding my Wines class text book and opening it to the page of Enology’s origins in Ancient Greece.

It feels that I have found a piece of what I’ve been seeking recently in a God and Goddess of the ancient days… a little intimidating that they both held court over Mysteries in surrendering myself to them I am wading into infinitely deep waters and on some level I know I will have to swim through powerful currents.

I have been reading Their prayers and praises, Their myths and stories, the words of those also dedicate to Them. The Boisterous Lord and the Light Bearing Lady. I have been seeking understanding of Them by studying and researching Their symbols. The Dagger and the Thyrsos, Wine and Cross-Roads, Black Dogs and Wild Cats.

The cross roads… as a former life-long Alaskan THAT seems appropriate on the Equinox. As I take my first steps on a new road within my journey I wish each of you well in yours. May Her Torches light your way, May his Drums help lighten your step.

Peace,
Pax

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Wavering between "Eek!" & "Wow!" and the cross-roads moments

Or as an acquaintance of mine once put it “This s*** is REAL!” experiences.

I am thinking of the limnal moments, cross-roads on the journey. I have been blessed by a few of them in my 17 years on the Witches path. Some of them are dramatic…

Casting Circle in the rec room at my folks house, naked in the Circle, praying for guidance from the Goddess about how to help a mentally-ill acquaintance of mine. Hearing Her voice saying the words…

“Love him”

…and turning in every direction at once freaked out at having heard a voice and knocking over the Chalice and moving so fast that the South candle went out!

The Morrigan answering my call at a literal cross-roads and accepting my prayer for Her protection of another; and then (as I now believe) Hecate’s guiding me home as I stood there wavering between the “eek!” and the “wow!”…

Suddenly and intimately and intensely understanding why the Afro-Caribbean religions use the term Cheval or Horse for those whom their Gods choose to speak and act through in the aftermath of invoking the Horned God. The sensation of rising up inside, and to the back of, my skull as He took control of my mouth and body.

“EEK!…Wow!…. oh, hey what is He saying anyways?”

These limnal moments that touch and transform us… perhaps “Eek! & Wow!” isn’t entirely the right way to express these moments. I mean sure, sometimes they are dramatically memorable moments… but there are other subtler doorway or cross-roads moments on the journey of our lives…
Walking along the busy street on the edge of the curb thinking to myself that I could go back to the side-walk or walk out into traffic and be done with it… then thinking to myself “I’ll have to deal with this same stuff next lifetime until I deal with it…” and returning to the sidewalk…
Uttering a simple prayer to Apollo and Dionysus before auditioning for a spot in the Renaiscence fair cast… and feelling a confidence about the audition… and finding myself happier just doing the audition whatever the outcome…
The drinking and guy-silliness of the campouts from the Men’s club I was in in Alaska… and the sudden burst of Liberation …shucking off my clothes to join some of the others in a dance around the fire… streaking the campground and fording the glacially cold stream the club was camping beside… (for those keeping track this is one of those moments where I think Dionysus was in the background waiting for me to recognize Him and His inspiration and touch on my life)
There are so many cross-roads moments in our lives. Let us honor them. Let us embrace the moments of change and transformation. What are your cross-roads moments? Have you chosen a path or let yourself be hearded along one?

"You’ve been Tapped."

That was the heading that my friend Tracie posted a comment about my previous post. I find myself wondering if this is so…

Did Hekate take me by the hand so many years ago as I stood at a literal and metaphorical cross-roads reeling from a moment of primal gnosis, wavering between “eek!” and “wow!”? I remember distinctly the sense of being guided home by something other than my own self… I was still caught up in the whole “eek and/or wow!” of the moment to really think too much of anything.

Then there’s Dionysus. He’s been on my mind recently as well. I can look back upon my journey as a Witch and see several points… several moments where he may have been lurking in the background. I’ve prayed to him in the past… and felt the siren song of the path of ecstatic theurgy before…

Such strange musings for a Mabon. A harvest of the memory and the soul. A Limnal point in the year. A cross-roads of the spirit from where I choose to give myself to Hekate and Dionysus. Triformis and Diphyes, …change is, touch is, touch me, change me… hmmm

They win. I surrender.

Once upon a time at a Cross-Roads…

I have been researching Hekate recently. I am feeling a pull to learn more of and from Her.

In contemplating the Queen of Phantoms, I have also been remembering an incident from early on in my journey as a Witch…

It was after my mom had passed away and I was living in downtown Anchorage and working in Midtown. I was working the night shift and walked along some of the bike trails near West High School and Westchester Lagoon. A dear friend of mine had recently given me a sealed letter and told me to hold onto it for her and if “something” happened to her I was to give it to her parents. I was deeply worried, and she was short on giving me any details.

Not knowing what else to do I turned to the Gods, or rather a Goddess. At the time I felt a pull from the Celtic gods and goddesses. I was walking along a bike trail after work one night at about 2am… I thought hard about my words and as I approached a place where three bike trails intersected I spoke my prayers to the Morrigan, prayers of protection and defense for my friend.

There was an intense onrushing of Power and Presence, as deep and powerful and ancient as the Ocean and its tides or the majestic Mountains of my childhood. I stood there feeling as if I was being picked up and examined from every angle. Held carefully is strong yet gently cupped hands. Scrutinized to the deepest part of my head and heart and soul. Then there was a sense of…decision… and then She was gone.

I remember stumbling home, with the sense of someone taking me by the arm and dragging/escorting me home. “It’s OK. This sort of thing happens sometimes, try not to make too big a deal about this. Its being taken care of…” Not words so much but thoughts and feelings.

An early and very influential ‘This stuff is REAL!?” experience as a acquaintance of mine used to say.

I now wonder if that voice in my head helping me home and keeping me relatively calm was Hecate… I had called to Morrigan, but Hecate is always there at the cross-roads, and one of her many roles is as a guide and guardian to young men.

I really do not know, all I really know is that I am feeling a call to learn more of and from the Saffron Veiled Lady of the Cross-roads.

Peace,
Pax

The Hanged Man is on his side…

Key 12 ~ The Hanged Man

Upright ~ In spiritual maters, wisdom, prophetic power. A pause in one’s life, suspended decisions. Self-surrender leads to transformation of the personality. Material temptation is conquered.

Reversed ~ Arrogance, preoccupation with the ego, resistance to spiritual influences. Absorption in physical matters. Wasted effort. False prophecy.

Sideways ~ Me…for now…

I was walking my dog this morning pondering my life recently and some of the decisions I’ve been making and my own feelings about my graduation in December and my future. The image of Hanged Man of the Tarot came to mind.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My mom was an alcoholic who, the family now realizes with 20/20 hindsight years after her passing, probably suffered from depression for many years. I spent a lot of my 20’s trying to sort things out. Trying to sort out myself from the family dynamic I grew up in. It is odd how you can think you’ve dealt with something when you haven’t; or have only dealt with pieces of it, or perhaps merely some of the symptoms.

Sometimes I am quite capable of self-defeating and even self-destructive behavior because on some level even an unbalanced status-quo is safer than change. Change can always bring something worse… Not a healthy mindset, to say the least. But this too is a part of me. The voice of doubt. I remember talking with a dear friend and fellow Pagan, whose own childhood was a much rougher path than my own, about the mis-trust of happiness. Having to club down the serpent of suspicion in ones own mind and soul that in the face of happiness lies waiting for the other shoe to drop.

As a Witch, I know this image coming to my mind is a sign. I need to delve into this symbol, and these qualities. I need to wrestle with the serpent of suspicion within me. I need to hang The Hanged Man upside down, so he is upright once more. The Hermit, and Hecate come to my mind. Both hold lanterns, both lighting the way to something else. Both leading the way through the wilderness, through the troubled night and into the light of a new day. Part of my seeking must be to seek after this, to learn of balance from the Hanged Man.

Peace, and may Hecate shine a light on your own path…

Pax

Ok more extra early Halloween posting…

So I was on my way to a community Mabon event and I stopped in the store to buy some sort of potluck contribution because I was entirely unsure about going until the last minute. I was fine until I got to the Seasonal Aisle at the Dollar General Grocery… they had the Halloween decorations out….

THEY HAD THE HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS OUT!!!!

YAY!!!

Luckilly I am freakishly poor this month… or I would have probably gotten in some trouble with my Partner. Try as I might I have yet to convince him that the little purple and orange lights, scarecrows, fake spider webs, and one or two dozen actual or symbolic pumpkins and jack-o-lanterns are a necessity! As it was I had to chase my inner child around the store for a good 10-15 minutes… Finally caught the little bugger in the Home Furnishings section and had club him into submission and get to the event.

“I WANT A CINNAMON BROOM AND TWO BAGS OF THE AUTUMNAL COLOR WRAPPED CANDY!!!”

“NO!”

WHAKITY WHAK!! THUD!

Its SUCH a good thing I don’t work at a Fabric or Crafts store anymore! (Heck, I STILL have fabric from Fabricland in the early 1990’s…

I tend to like my Halloween decor light-hearted and spooky with just a few pinches to a dash of the macabre. Pumpkins, scarecrows, bedsheet ghosts, maybe a skelleton or two… none of the blood and guts stuff that is popular in some quarters.

I will be adding and editing this post as the Holidays approach… WATCH THIS SPACE!!

So maybe I’m getting into the Spirit of the Season a wee bit early…

“It’s the Most Magickal Time of The Year”
by Pax (With apologies to Eddie Pola, and George Wyle, and, of course, Andy Williams)

It’s the most magickal time of the year
With the kids trick-or-treating
And everyone telling you “Spirits are Near”
It’s the most magickal time of the year
It’s the spook-spookiest season of all
With candy filled greetings and gay happy meetings
When Ancestors come to call
It’s the spook-spookiest season of all

There’ll be parties for hosting
Family Feasts for the Roasting
And acres of candy you know
There’ll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories of Samhains long, long ago

It’s the most magickal time of the year
There’ll be memorial toasting
And hearts will be glowing
When love ones are near
It’s the most magickal time of the year

There’ll be parties for hosting
Feasts for the Roasting
And acres of candy you know
There’ll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories of Samhains long, long ago

It’s the most magickal time of the year
There’ll be memorial toasting
And hearts will be glowing
When love ones are near
It’s the most magickal time
It’s the most magickal time
It’s the most magickal time
It’s the most magickal time of the year!