Knowing when your not ready, yet

Timing, so much comes down to timing. I’ve learned this in my involvement in the Pagan community, I’ve had to!

Dianne Sylvan touched on the importance of timing in her recent review of Tom Robbins “Skinny Legs and All…” In talking about the knee-jerk reaction of not wanting to read/watch/listen to something that everyone is saying you have to she says…

“I used to think it was a fear of conformity that made me run screaming from
anything popular; then I thought it might simply be a big dumb stubborn
streak. What I’ve realized over the years, however, is that sometimes the
gods whisper into my subconscious, “Psst…you’re not ready for this.”
Then a year later I happen across the book/CD/film again, and tumble into it
like Alice down the rabbit hole.
The lesson: trust your
intuition. Deep down you know when you’re ready for something new.”

I find myself relating to that. I am often very reactionary when it comes to that sort of fantatic fandom. It’s often a knee-jerk reaction but its very ingrained in the psyche of a lot of folks apparently.

It’s funny though, because there have been so many times in my own experiences where I have done things in relation to other peoples thoughts, opinions, ideas rather than my own. Although a lot of times in my life it’s involved getting involved in volunteer activities or projects…. usually in the Pagan Community.

At one point I was hosting monthly social events in the Anchorage Community. “Merry Meets” as I called them were a monthly social at a tea shoppe owned by a friend. These meetings helped stir up a number of community minded folks into organizing the first Pagan Pride event in Anchorage back around 1999/2000. (sidetrack#1 “Isn’t it funny how we in the Pagan Community can sometimes talk about something in the relatively recent past as if it were some historic epoch ago?!”) Unfortunately, a whole lot o’ drama ended up being stirred up by some of the folks on the very edges of the community and almost everyone who was active at the time got burnt out really quick.

Despite my better instincts I held out hosting the events for another year or so before I gave up having burnt myself out. The thing is I knew I was getting burnt out and didn’t stop hosting the events… I felt a sense of responsibility and felt like letting things end was a defeat or a failure.

So much, oh so much, of my journey in my 20’s was about not only learning to listen to my heart, my intuition, my higher-self, and any and all other instincts I have; but, also learning NOT to second guess those instincts. I knew on some level that things weren’t working for me, and that I was getting tired and frustrated, but I didn’t stop hosting the events cause I felt they were important and didn’t want them to die out. I did eventually learn about not second guessing my self, it only took the painful realization that I had placed my trust and friendship with someone who was worthy of neither and quite amoral to boot. I lost a job, admittedly a crappy job – but it was all the job I had at the time-, I wallowed in self-pity for a few months and then I started trudging up the hill of working to change my life for the better.

All of this is on my mind because my church is having its annual meeting soon and some folks have been encouraging me to run for our church Board of Directors, seeing as I am actively involved and have (or so they say) a lot of energy and good ideas.

Hrm, that “actively” has mainly been attending a Board Meeting or two, going to some of our Sabbat and Esbat activities, and being active on the e-mail list and in our forums. I haven’t felt all that active. I’ve been trying to focus on School and finishing it, and on doing well at the low-level job I currently have at work in the hopes that I will be able to get promoted to a higher level.

Yet, I really like the idea of being more involved in the church. I have a lot of ideas, and I like the idea of trying to build and encourage my community, and it was really tempting to think about applying for the Board of Directors and seeing if I could get voted on….

but, not yet…. I realized it’s not the right time because I can’t commit to giving this project the 110% it deserves. To quote Ms. Sylvan, “The lesson: trust your intuition. Deep down you know when you’re ready for something new.”

Timing, so much comes down to timing.

Peace,

Pax

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